Sunday, August 31, 2008

Friday, August 29, 2008

Newsletter

Sales of my $5,000.00 a year newsletter are going great guns. To stimulate sales even further I'm offering absolutely free for a limited time only with every $5,000.00 order my latest book "How to Turn Your Microwave Oven into a NuclearReactor". Clear, easy to read step by step instructions and fully illustrated in color.

BUT WAIT:
Order within the next 24 hours and I'll also throw in the internet addresses of ten sites where you can buy Enriched Uranium. In addition, I'll even send you a coupon entitling you to a 25% discount with your first Uranium order.

Have You Noticed That Flag Pins Keep Getting Bigger and Bigger?

Hmm...

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Panamanian Air Mail

The Real Truth

With the emergence now of the two political conventions, we the people of the United States of America are being fed the same old tired myths again. This fearless reporter has decided to expose these myths and at the cost of great personal danger has decided to give you my friends and loyal readers the real skinny.

Myth #1...Global Warming:
Global Warming is a complete sham. We need Global Warming. Who wants another Ice Age? Every year scores of folks move to Florida. Why? Because it's warm! How many people emigrate to the North Pole on a yearly basis? Few to none of course. Imagine a beautiful planet with one continuous Florida. Think of the money you'll save by no longer having to buy overcoats, long sleeve shirts, long johns.

Myth#2...Hybrid Cars:
Yup. They want you to think that this will stop our dependence on foreign oil. The reality is that this will cause a dependence on foreign electricity. The more plug in cars that are manufactured, the more electricity we'll be using to charge these cars on a daily basis. In no time a kilowatt hour will be selling for $10.00 or $20.00 per hour. The major oil producers are very aware of this and that's why they're reluctant to do any more offshore drilling. They have to put money aside now to buy digging equipment to unearth the coal necessary to feed these electric power plants.

Myth#3...Better Education:
Sure they want you to believe that we have to better educate our children to compete in this age of technology. With all theses technicians, who's left to pick up the garbage?

Myth#4...Health Care for All:
Too many healthy people leads to overpopulation which leads to food shortages. Need I say more?

There are many, many more myths and scams that are being perpetrated by both political parties and that's why I'm making this special, limited time offer to my constituency:

Sign up now for my special monthly newsletter "116 Secrets the Government Doesn't Want You to Know" today for only $5,000.00 a year and receive ABSOLUTELY FREE the following bonus
publications:
#1...Is GWB Really a Cross Dresser.
#2...How to Never Pay Taxes Again.
#3...Things to Do in Prison for Failure to Pay Your Taxes.
#4...How to Have Bootleg Cigarettes Delivered to Your Cell Every Thursday While in the Hoosegow.

Send your checks to: 116 Secrets
P.O. Box 116
Hidden Compound, Oregon, 10061
P.S. Make your checks out to cash.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Friday, August 22, 2008

The New Obama Presidential Seal

FLASH!! Hot off the Presses!

John McCain has picked his Vice Presidential running mate!

(
But he forgot who it is)

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Looking for Some Pith

Looking for something pithy to say. Therefore I must be searching I would surmise for a tangible item that has enough pith to be used to fuel my pithy saying. This is very deep and even Albert Einstein when he was alive (Al we hardly knew ye) struggled with understanding the pith concept. All he ever kept rambling on about was some stuff about e=mc2. That and finding a placed that served good Hot Pastrami on Rye.

Artsy Shlock