The Fantastic Job Creation Plan

If we go back in history to The Great Depression we see that Franklin Delano Roosevelt created the New Deal. The objective was to put thousands of unemployed Americans to work. The most popular of all New Deal agencies, and Roosevelt's favorite, was the Civilian Conservation Corps (CCC), which hired 250,000 unemployed young men to work on rural local projects. Now while that was innovative then it does have a few flaws. First of all it was hard, physical labor. Somewhat like a chain gang. Only the most fit males were qualified for this type of work. Secondly, it involved and involves buying lots of expensive, heavy equipment.

Now my plan will put even more people to work and can be done by both sexes both young and old alike and there's even room for the kids to be involved too.

What we do is buy up a whole bunch of push lawnmowers and have the unemployed mow the lawns of all our federal institutions. Did you ever see the size of the White House lawn? There's tons of federal buildings plus federal parks and federal jails. And for the geriatrics, they can attach their walkers right onto the handlebars of the mowers and just mow away. AND FOR THE DARLING KIDS: they walk around with the newly patented Crap-O-Matic Wealth Spreader spreading the wealth.

Now for phase two of the plan: Obviously we've got to pay these folks. For the kids, just give "em a Snickers Bar. They'll be happy and dentists will be too. But again, we've have to remunerate the other folks. Now instead of giving them cash or a check, we give them a share of the 700 billion dollars worth of worthless mortgage stock that the government is buying. We tell them that now they own a piece of America. Give them a lapel button too that says "I invested in America."

I rest my case! Am I a genius or what?