IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!

We are pleased...No, We are thrilled to announce the addition to the Crap-O Matic Staff of a man who needs no introduction. An idiots delight. A fool among fools. A morons moron. The personification of witlessness. A cerebral wasteland. The man who I have personally chosen to be our spiritual and educational guru.

We have been in negotiation with this man for many months. The negotiations I must say were long and tedious. He wanted to get paid in cash but finally succumbed to shares of our "I invested in America" stock. Thank heavens he's such an idiot.

And so, without further adieu let me proudly present the Honorable Alfred E. Neuman.

TAKE IT AWAY AL!